May 7, 2010

Number 29.

If all human beings are the same anatomically, why do I feel so different from every one else?  Why do I feel like an outsider all the time?  I think people are different geographically, and anatomy has nothing to do with the relation between people.  Sure, we look the same; underneath the layers of skin that make us look different on the outside are muscle and bone that make us all look slightly alike.  We were made that way, as a group of a species, so we could be compatible with each other and reproduce.  I mean, you don't see any hybrid species running around here, do you?  No bird-dogs, or rodent-cats, or anything like that.  It's simple: there are is a specific species of everything around here.  

But the question still remains:  if I am a member of a specific species, why do I feel so completely alienated from the rest of them?  

My mom thinks that, subconsciously, I am driving friends away from me.  They have been asking me this entire year to find a girl I can be friends with.  I have been trying, and I keep telling them that.  What they don't understand is how hard it is to do what they're asking me.  They're asking me to find a new best friend because I'm not going to be in Georgia to see my best friend anymore.  I have tried.  No one I have met so far even compares to the random craziness that is Peyton.  I love her to death and no one can change that.  I have a bad history being friends with girls.  There tends to be more drama involved with that business.  I like hanging out with the guys a whole lot more.  But I can't even find guys that I can be friends with.  No one compares to Peter or Alec.  Peter was and still is my best guy friend, and Alec is just the one I can talk to about anything at all.  Mom and Dad say all I have to do is  be sociable in class and talk to people but what they don't know is that I have tried.  I try to be like every one else and all it does is make me feel so much more different.  I feel like it don't fit in with my generation at all.  

The catcher is that I have tried telling them all this!  They just don't listen to me.  They just keep saying "You've got to trust us one this one and find some friends."  Well, guys, news flash: what you are asking me to do is proving to be nearly impossible, and if you would listen to me you would know that I have tried.  

This sucks.  

So I'm done with it.  I'm going to go to sleep.  

As always,
Jules, the High School Nomad.  

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